Love at First Swipe: Have we learned to live in eHarmony?
A new era of dating is upon us. Repetitive thumb strain now indicates a romantic quest for love (or rather, sexual frustration). A couple which met on Tinder, Hinge or eHarmony is no longer part of some exclusive club. Billions of people around the world swipe, chat and ‘like’ on a daily basis, with dating apps and sites now fully integrated into contemporary society’s handbook of dating.
But can a simple nonchalant swipe on someone’s favourite travelling pic really open the exclusively modern door to love?
What’s worrying is the number of happy couples who say about their partner ‘I wouldn’t have swiped right on Tinder’. What does this mean for the future of relationships? Are we all going to end up with completely different partners because of these sites? Is there going to be an entirely different generation of human beings just because a few businessmen decided to play cupid?
I spoke to users of dating sites to find out how their experiences compare when it comes to using these platforms for dating, sex and – dare I say it – love.
Who uses dating sites?
The simple answer is everyone. Whether you’re 18 or 80, tall or short, gay or straight, left or right, there’s a place for you somewhere in this multi-million-pound industry. Sites for people with a unique fetish or specific taste in partners are becoming increasingly common. Feel like your gluten free diet is being compromised by those greedy bread-loving twits? Join Gluten Free Singles and you’ll never have to see a gluten packed bagel again. Or are you too much of a Star Trek fan to ever imagine yourself with someone who has never even seen the franchise? Join Star Trek dating to find the perfect partner on your exploration of the galaxy.
It’s no secret that there was a boom in young people joining the dating hype after the swipe-able instantaneous apps came to satisfy the impatient millennials and Gen Zs. But it’s not just 20-somethings who spend 6 hours on their favourite dating platform every lonely Sunday morning, as many dating sites attract a much older crowd.
Katie, 60, from Cheshire has tried a few different dating sites on her quest for love.
“When I was on Match.com, I was inundated with creepy messages from much younger men. I found there were too many people signed up to the site and it was impossible to form a meaningful connection with anyone. I had more luck with the dating sites on The Times and The Guardian.”
When asked if she found love on a dating site, Katie said: “I did form long-term relationships with men I met online, yes. When you’re my age and have lived in the same area for 20 years, it’s almost impossible to meet a man any other way. In the end, I did meet someone offline but that was just by chance. There’s no shame in using dating sites to find love, especially when you’re my age.”
To love and be loved or to f*** and be f***ed?
A study on 18-30 year olds found that more people use Tinder to search for love than casual sex, although research consistently finds that men are much more likely to use the app for casual sex than their female counterparts. Opinion on whether you can use Tinder to score a long-term relationship or simply score full stop, is also divided among each gender.
“I think it is possible to find a long-term relationship on an app but overall, they’re probably better suited to more casual things, because it’s all just so instant and doesn’t require much thought.” Said Bea, 24, who uses dating apps in London.
She also finds disparity when it comes to what people are looking for on each app.
“When Tinder first came around, I knew a few people who found long-term relationships on it. Whereas now, I think Tinder is just for hooking up. People still have success finding relationships on apps like Hinge though.”
Grounded in a romantic story of a lost love rekindled, it seems apt that Hinge would be a platform which connects people on a more meaningful level. Wanting to move away from swiping for a casual hook up, the founder of Hinge designed the app to show personality, spark real conversations and detangle the superficiality which is often laced with online dating.
Is Tinder just for casual hook ups though? Holly, 25, has been with her boyfriend, Alex, 26, for two and a half years. They met on Tinder.
“He was the first Tinder date I had ever been on and we were both off the app after exchanging 10 messages.” Said Holly. “I never thought when I was with him on our dates… Will I see him again? I didn’t even consider it. I just knew. He was always going to be a part of my life.”
How has COVID changed the way we date?
Meeting someone at a bar who you end up spending the rest of your life with was never particularly common, effortless, or simple. Throw in a global pandemic and it’s also kind of illegal. With social distancing rules, table service and a ban on mixing between groups, a spontaneous meet with a handsome stranger has become almost impossible. So, what now? Are dating sites the only way forward? Must singletons suffer the repercussions of COVID greater than their loved-up counterparts?
Tinder reported 3 billion swipes on Sunday 29th March as COVID began to plague the world – the greatest number of swipes ever reported in a single day. Other dating apps and sites reported a similar surge and saw a rise in video dating. Perhaps this is a temporary shift in the weird world of dating. Or maybe the global pandemic has been the final kick towards a new digital era of forming relationships.
One thing’s for sure when it comes to dating: We’re all just trying to get it all (swipe) right.
